Thursday, July 1, 2010

Mazda, Why?!

Things That Scare/Creep Me Out Beyond Reason Part I:

May I introduce you to the new Mazda 2010... aka Satan's Chariot.

The first time that I saw one of these at work I thought to myself,

"Wow, you kind of look familiar there little guy..."

Then I realized...

"Oh, because you are pretty much the identical twin of the Letters to Juliet girl... "

How is that possible?

Could it be the little slanty eyes that are approx. 3 feet apart? Or the large nervous ear to ear grin? Or maybe the button nose?

Kinda adorable? Sure.

Mostly Creepy? Absolutely.

So that was my first run in with the weird phenomenon... a safe distance away, and I was safely protected from it by a thick wall and a sturdy window.

I was safe.

Later that week I was driving down the road when, next thing I knew, one of them came zooming at me in the other lane... let me just tell you that the likeness and similarities of the funny blond girl in Mean Girls ended there...

As we passed each other it took on a new frighteningly similar resemblance to that of Jack McBrayer flying towards me.

Weird. Yes.

Luckily, I happen to love Kenneth the Page and found it kind of amusing as it passed by.

That was all until the other day when I was driving on the freeway, and I looked in my rear-view mirror only to see one of them CHASING ME DOWN! I sped up; but those stupid Mazdas are actually quite peppy and annoyingly fast. So there I was... each time I looked up in the rear-view mirror the clown car from hell just got closer and closer.

Funny Kenneth the Page Car quickly turned into Kenneth the Killer Car as it raced to catch up to me (and run me off the road no doubt).

(Snapshot from my rear-view mirror)

So... I made a power lane change across 3 lanes and took the next exit.

(Granted I was fairly distracted by trying to outmaneuver the the IT killer clown car that I nearly missed my own exit...) 

If I have learned anything from being a creeper myself, it is that if you take an exit abruptly you are most likely to loose the one chasing you and make it out alive. Barely.

Morals of the Post:
  • If I had to choose between watching Trolls II again (shudder) or to be chased down by one of these again... well lets just say, Bust out the popcorn!
  • I think this design may be Mazda's dying breath. No, really. When you see Bob Saget start doing commercials for them, welp... memba I toldja so! (tribute to Kevin)


  1. haha, thanks for the tribute, though truthfully I adopted "memba I toldja" from Alex this crazy lady on Big Brother UK a couple of seasons ago who was kicked off after threatening/implying that she'd kill her fellow housemates after the show. She constantly said the phrase, here's an example:

    Also, you refer to Troll 2 as if it's not worth watching every week. Surely you don't mean it!

  2. Looks freakishly like Amanda Seyfriend.
    Waiting for the car to bust out "lay all your love on me"


  3. now I'm afraid to write which ones are my favorite because I feel like it can't get better and then it does (see Web MD post below...) oh. my gosh. HOW HAS THIS NOT BEEN FEATURED SOMEWHERE? I feel stupid writing "i;m screaming with laughter" on every single post...but screaming is truly an understatement with this post. The "snapshot from my rearview mirror' caption made my body over-rotate so wildly that i almost fell off my bed.


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