Monday, October 31, 2011

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Last Sunday, Nate and Alex invited me up to their friend's cabin to watch a movie and play some games with a bunch of people that they grew up with in California. My friend Taylor and I both weren't able to head up til later that night so we planned on just heading up together late. Taylor, lest we forget, is the one that I nearly killed whilst driving down the mountain last time. I offered to drive but I didn't really want him to have a PTSD flashback freakout moment while driving up the canyon in my car so needless to say... he drove.

We all had a good time and played a few games while we were up there and speaking of games... there are a few things you should probably know about me:

#1. I've loved games/board games since I was just a little guy. When I was a kid I would even play Candyland by myself... mostly because  a.) I didn't have friends and b.) I played it so much that even my parents got sick of playing with me so I had to resort to just playing it by myself, which brought about an ironic life lesson:

I might have been a loner loser kid, but at least I was a loser that always won

#2. I'm surprisingly competitive
#3. I'm a gracious loser..
#4. You'd never know that though, because due to a childhood full of practice, I'm now freakishly good at board games and always win

You think I'm kidding. I'm serious as a heart attack.

For example, for New Years a while ago we stayed at Becca's cabin and while we were up there we played a lot of games (turns out when you don't have cell service at cabins and can't play Words with Friends on your phone everyone resorts to real life board games.. weird.) The second day there, after a brutal undefeated sweep of winning pretty much every game the night before, we started a game of Clue and I had to run to the bathroom.. while I was gone Addi and Becca cheated and looked at the 'Confidential' envelope under the board so that they could finally beat me in at least one game that weekend, but even with both of them knowing 'with who, where and with what' all while trying to get there as fast as they could to win; I STILL WON.

Miracle you ask? Nay, just another day in the life of.

#5. I'm humble.

The only games that I actually struggle with are ones that play off of crippling anxiety i.e. anything with a buzzer and/or blasted timer. Remember the game Perfection? Good night, why would anyone ever invent that?! It should have come with at least two bottles of Xanax per game. And the last few times that I've played Catchprase I literally get sweaty hands, my pulse races, and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe.

Anyway, baaccckk to the original story; On our way back from the cabin Taylor and I were heading back down the mountainside in the dark when on the side of the road these headlights turned on out of nowhere, shining right at us... having grown up with siblings that loved to tell horror stories, naturally my first thought was that it must have been crazed mountain folk that wanted to chase us down the mountainside trying to run us off the road... turns out I was wrong; just a cop.

I may have been relieved it was just a cop and not mountain mole people, but I don't think Taylor was as stoked about it. The portly cop came up to the window and did the whole 'you were speeding' cop routine thing and got Taylor's license and registration (sans insurance card... we couldn't find that one..) and then we chilled for a bit while the cop went back to his truck. Meanwhile, Alex and Nate passed us and she sent over a text to check up on us:

The cop finally came back and what followed was probably the best bait and switch + good cop, bad cop scenario I have ever experienced/witnessed..

Good Cop: Did you ever find your iPod?
Taylor: [ ??? ] What?
Good Cop: Did you ever find you're stolen iPod?
Taylor: Ohh! Yeah, they ended up finding the person who stole it.
Good Cop: Aw, that's good.
Good Cop turned Bad Cop: Well, unfortunately there's a warrant out for your arrest.
Taylor: [ ?!? ] Wait, what?!
Bad Cop: Warrant out for your arrest; so I need to collect $208 from you in cash only or I'm supposed to take you in.
Bad Cop: Do you have $208?
Taylor: Uh, not in cash on me.
Bad Cop: Well does your partner over there have it?
[shining his flashlight over at me]
Me: Um... afraid not.

To make a long story short, we found out that: Taylor is a maverick. He didn't pay a ticket in 2005 and the law has been chasing him ever since. He got away this time with just the speeding ticket and luckily didn't get hauled off to jail leaving me to have to pay for his bail. #huzzah

UPDATE: Found out that Taylor isn't so much a maverick; he found a copy of the check that was written for that ticket back in 2005 and contacted the police station and they said it was their bad and that they would close the case...

So,  I guess it looks like I'm still in the market for rogue law-breaking friends.

Morals of Post:
  • Considering my track record with pullovers.. I'm just grateful it wasn't me this time.
  • Note to self: Never drive in, on, or around a mountain with Taylor ever again. Doesn't matter who drives... bad, bad things happen.
  • Becca and Addi, I dare you to say otherwise about my winning streak; and just a friendly reminder that I moderate my comments with an iron fist of dictatorship. heart, Hawk


  1. Note: my iPod was stolen back in 2006...why the hell did he bring that up? To soften the blow of my outstanding warrant?!

    Kinda a bit bummed we didn't go to jail. (I would've made them throw you in there too.)

  2. Um, I am SUPER not competitive, as you will remember from our Words from Friends bout, but I do think we could be fairly matched at a round of Nerts if that opportunity ever comes up.

  3. Dare I remind you or our all-nighter game playing party?!? If my memory is correct and (let's be honest I'm never wrong)I think I dominated in ALL those games! Even playing Mario Kart with my eyes closed I still killed you! ;) Maybe that's why we haven't played a game since...You knew I was too good! It's ok to admit, Spencer already has faced it! :) Glad there was no jail time though!

  4. Alright, here's the real story. Becca, feeling a bit bitter about her Catch Phrase issues ("It flies and has antlers!" uh...a deer?...a deer that flies? *BZZZZ* "No! Geese!") I felt the need to help her win SOMETHING. It's not our fault you were right next to the billiards room and the only chance either of us had were rolling double sixes. Twice. Also. I would like to submit that while you did kinda sorta clean up at MOST games (Lib kicked your trash at speed scrabble, don't deny it.) snowmobiling wasn't your strong point. Also, you freaked at the fireworks. Don't pretend like we played board games 24/7 that weekend.

  5. @Taylor - I don't think I'd do too well in jail... after all, if we both went who would go to the ATM in the middle of the night to pay your bail?!

    @Christine- I've tried to block that whole experience out of my head, but from what I do remember.. 'Trash Talk' is not a good color on you.

    @Tiffany- oh boy. Tiffany dead tired, me wanting to keep playing MarioKart...

    Tiff: "Can we play this round with our eyes close?"
    Me:"Yeah, that'd be fun!.."

    half way through the game I see Tiff's character bumping into a wall, and I look over to see her asleep.

    Cool, thanks Tiff.

    @Tati- Thanks!

    @Addison- touche. yeah, becca was AWFUL at that game, but don't try and make people think you are some kind of martyr. Also, to rebuttal, I do believe we ALL crashed the snowmobile, and let us *all* agree that Zach is the one that ultimately put it out of commission. Lastly, an optometrist shot a roman candle at my face; does NO ONE else see the irony in that?!

  6. OH MY GOSH, I just re-read my comment and, true to style, mis-typed the name of the game I struggled so much with trash talking. I can't believe it - you're right, I just need to delete that memory completely.

  7. Yup, reading this in bed after midnight and trying to suppress the laughter. I think you should join one of those awesome board game groups that play at the back of the fame stores in the mall... good blog content and perhaps someone worthy of challenging you.

    Also I own a game you would love (loathe). It does the menacing music and shocks you if you don't push the button first (think D-Rob caddle prod shock).

  8. #wouldhavefiguredyouforahairychestkindaperson

  9. I gave up on "Words with Friends". The worst written app I'd ever seen. I'd get serious crashes with it, after which it would force an upgrade that would take like 45 minutes. If I played several times a day, this would happen a couple of times a day.

    I found this with both Android AND Iphone. In fact I played it on Iphone a lot and got tired of lt blowing up all the time, and switched to Android, and found that the app does not work much at all there either.

  10. Still in the market for rogue law-breaking friends?!! Are we not friends? Need I remind you of my track record? I'm a little/highly offended.


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