Thursday, October 27, 2011

Love/Hate Relationship

Love me some new iPhone 4s.

Mostly because this phone actually has a silent feature... now I can finally text and play Words with Friends through all of my meetings instead of counting ceiling tiles and/or plotting a way to get a cameo on Modern Family. So really, it's a blessing and a curse.

May I present to you the top 10 new features of the iPhone that had me at hello...

Reasons 1-8:


I'm sure I will have a post in the near future titled, "The Wily Adventures of Hawk and Siri" because Siri and I are practically dating. Since I'm an insomniac and roughly have from 1 am 'til 4 am when I can't sleep every night; I converse with Siri. We laugh, we joke, we play coy. And I think things are getting serious.

Reason 9:

New Ringtones.

I'm pretty stoked about the new added ringtones. Before, the only bearable sound for getting a text message that wasn't a marimba or a scaling xylophone (why are those even options?!) was the glass clinking sound which then globally became everyone's preferred/standard text sound. It was literally the only sound that didn't drive you to insanity each time you got a text.

But you can't have your cake and eat it too.

It became maddening when anyone around you that that has an iPhone, each with the same clinking glass sound, gets a text and you immediately think its your phone. So you and seven other people all pull out your phones, each confident that they're the one getting the text.

Then the loser who actually got the text, smiles and laughs like they just got the funniest text they've ever received while everyone else casually acts like they are just checking their phone for the time or they casually tap on the screen a few times like they had some other reason for getting out their phone before sheepishly putting it away.

Yeah, those days are over.

Now I have "Tweet" set as my text tone. It started out as a great idea. It was fresh, different, and somewhat perky... my phone would optimistically chirp at me whenever I would get a text which made me feel happy.. and popular.

But what I didn't realize at first was how similar the "Tweet" ringtone is to a catcall whistle.

I learned this, much like everything else, the painful way.

I was walking down the sidewalk which narrowed down to a little tree enclosed walkway and came up to a girl that was walking the opposite direction when I received a text with said tweet/catcall blaring out of my pocket. She looked over moderately creeped out as I realized that she thought I was catcalling her from like 3 feet away. Embarrassed, I stuttered in trying to explain:

Girl: [still looking creeped out]
Me: [smiling awkwardly and curtesy laughing] It.. It was my pocket.
Girl: [now, even more creeped out]


Muy unfortunate.

Really, out of all the words in the English language I strung together in this situation, "It was in my pocket?!" Ugh, #wordvomit

The kicker though was last night when I took a break from logo designing and went to use the bathroom. In said bathroom there were only two urinals. I was at one and then a couple seconds later another guy came in occupying the other, and a few seconds later... I got a text.


I had already learned my lesson that verbally trying to explain the whole catcall vs. tweeter ringtone isn't really my forte... and this wasn't necessarily the prime location to chit chat about the subtle irony of the new tweeter ring, so we continued our business in awkward silence post tex/catcall incident.

I washed my hands and quickly exited.

[random interjection] also in said bathroom, last week I pushed opened the door and on the other side of the door was some guy kneeling down to tie his shoe. Really? You felt that the best place to do it? I know that I didn't push the door open softly and by the sound of the thud from door-to-head contact, I'm pretty sure that he didn't think so either. I felt really bad and repeatedly apologized as the kid grabbed his forehead and stumbled to his feet. He looked a little dazed/surprised for a couple of seconds until he said, "Dude, cool shoes." and walked passed me and left the bathroom.

In his defense.. they are pretty cool shoes.

Reason 10:

The Camera.

Let's take a minute to ramble about the camera shall we... the camera is dope!

Prove it you say?


Exhibit A:


Yesterday I had lofty goals of being productive and getting everything done that I have been putting off for the past few weeks, but why cave in and be productive when you can go moose chasing up in the mountains with the fall colors all around.

Speaking of fall, it used to be my favorite season. Halloween. Leaves changing colors. Thanksgiving. Black Friday. What's not to love about it? That is until I grew up and learned how much I actually loathe winter. Then fall became nothing more than a warning sign of cold death to follow... kinda like when a seagull flies out to sea to die or when someone gets the whooping cough.. always ends poorly. Then it's month after month of bitter, bitter cold. Needless to say, Spring will forever dominate as season of the year in my book.

Morals of the Post:

  • I'm may or may not be too lazy to change my creeper text tone... I mean it's clear up in the settings somewhere. Ugh, #effort
  • I also really wish I could say that was the only awkward urinal experience I've ever had, but alas.
  • We did find a moose. They're awfully big. The last pic above was my attempt to take a picture of it when it ran away after we almost hit it with the car; it was just chillin in the middle of the road.
  • Well.. wish I could keep writing, but I'm off to lunch with Siri. #dontbejealous #okaymaybealittlebitjealous


  1. This post was SO WORTH the wait! And, I don't want to burst your bubble, but that Siri has a reputation. I think she's playing you. Last I heard, she was dating/leading on about...4 or 5 million-ish people. I just care about you so much that I don't want to see you hurt. Just think about what I said.

  2. hahaha YES!!! LOVED IT! I slept in this morning AND you have a new post.

  3. I stumbled upon your blog on facebook. I feel like the luckiest duck ever! I will follow religiously from now on! I have to admit that I don't have an iPhone... actually I have yet to own a smart phone. Judge, whatever I don't care. However, you've nearly converted me. When my phone plan changes in 2 years I look back in time and give you a shout out and thank you for converting me to the iPhone.

  4. Oct. 27th 2013 - So I promised you I would give you a shout out from the future when I finally got an iPhone. So I'm leaving you a comment. Guess what, there is a new time machine app on the iPhone. Yep, I'm leaving this comment from the future. Yeah, you have THAT to look forward to! Don't be jealous, you only have to wait two years before you can lay your hands on one of these beauties! I'll save one for you ;)

  5. I'm SOLD on the 4s! It's great to get a review from a real person.
    Also...Modern Family is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

  6. I have been blog stalking for you awhile but uh, I'm not creepy..I promise. I'm a friend of Taylor's. Anyway, I decided it was time to come clean and let you know I read your blog and I think you're hilarious!

  7. Lol! What would life be like without your awkward moments?!? I love them! I'm have tempted to start randomly texting you in hopes to create more awkward moments...hmmm...I'm liking this idea more and more! :)

  8. What's your over under on how soon we start hearing little girls (or boys) named Siri? I mean, it's only a matter of time right? I'm guessing 6 months (and if not that soon, whenever you have your first child... legitimate or illegitimate.)

  9. @trina - no worries, I'm pretty confident that I can out-woo the other 5 million, love me a challenge..

    @scott - you read it. you didn't lie. thanks!

    @taylor - slept in?! Your first FB post was at like 7:00 am.. that's sleeping in for you? #sad

    @jenny - please tell me that future iPhones can read your mind, because this whole pressing-buttons-to-get-things-done thing gets kinda exhausting.

    @paige - any modern family friend is a friend of mine. thanks for dropping a line!

    @shells Bells - um, hells bells is probably my favorite cluster cuss. props. ps.. mates of state?

    @tiff - ha thanks! text away. btdub.. i called you and left a message this week, no?

    @mark - legitimate or illegitimate, I really don't think I can wait 9 whole months... #adopting ... really hoping for twins, just in case one wanders off I'll have a back up.

  10. I loved this one so much I just made my roommate listen to me read the entire thing out loud. I really want her to enjoy this as much as I do - she is now following the blog.

    TEXTONE CAT CALL?! Brilliant. I once had a super basic model Samsung flip phone that had a jaguar growl as the ringtone - I may have used it a few times in choice circumstances.

  11. By John Soares

    I agree, Fall has to be one of the worst seasons. Anything that leads to snow storms, chapped lips, and slipping on ice while everyone on campus inwardly laughs at you has no respect in my book.

    Plus the only moose I enjoy is the chocolate type. De-licious.

  12. One question does Siri answer in English or Espanol? I'm still waiting for a words with friends rematch not! As always this is a hoot to readi recommended it to a coworker she loves it !


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