Thursday, May 6, 2010

F Is For Full Frontal... And Friends

I am NOT a morning person...

In fact, that is an understatement - right when I wake up in the morning pretty much all I want to do is kill unicorns and suck the color out of rainbows until there is nothing left but cold gray arched carcasses...

I wish I were being dramatic.

I don't get it - every single morning it is the same routine; I wake up all sorts of confused and I have no idea where my body is; meanwhile, I am simultaneously faced with the panicked feeling of being slammed back into reality. Completely unable to tell what was part of my dream I just got ripped out of and what is real life. Bad news bears.

So, in an act to try and counterbalance morning me, the first thing I do is grab my phone, turn on some 'You Make My Dreams' by Hall and Oates music and search all my apps for something that will put me in a good mood.

Well ladies and gents, today I found the jackpot; finally a remedy for extreme morning anger... I may or may not have watched this 17 1/2 times before I even got out of bed this morning.

I don't know if it is:
  • the inspiring message of hope and counsel for future generations
  • the ultra feminine bass voice
  • the mad dance break between I and J
  • the neon alphabet ever-present in the background
  • that dress
  • the successful transplant of Mr. Ed's teeth into a human being
  • the fact that 'sexy' is also similar to crouching down to scare someone, shoveling, or a beginners pilates stance.
  • the realization that yes, x truly is mysterious
  • the special way that claustrophobia gets her hands to dance
  • or those sexy skeleton legs that just don't quit...
I think graphics were just being invented around this time so I really appreciate the effort of the floating/scrolling letters.

Also, I'm fairly certain that 1:30 - 2:00 is pretty much what it looks like right before the Grim Reaper comes to take you away...

I hope this changes lives. I know it has mine.

Morals of the Post:
  • Naturally M is for me and N is for NEVER AGAIN!
  • It is about quality not quantity, isn't it.
  • If we learn anything from the 70's let it be that if you get tired in the middle of your music video... go ahead, lie down - you can shimmy just as well on the ground as you can standing up. Thank you Amanda Lear. Thank you.


  1. Wow, that may have just changed my life. I'm going to spend the rest of my morning learning choreography so that I can perform the dance of seduction displayed between I and J for the BF tonight.

  2. Mei -

    Your BF is definitely in for a surprise to say the least.

    May I offer a word of caution... Due to the similarity between the dance of seduction and the dance of death - I would recommend practicing all day and maybe even a little bit of tomorrow. One wrong ball change or misplaced shimmy and we all might be singing at boyfriend's funeral.

    That being said... now go and have some fun!

  3. Thanks for the warning! I'll practice harder!

  4. Why haven't we been using this alphabet all along? She's got everything in this 3 minute music video, good music, good dancing, good rhyming, laughter, selaciosity, tear jerking moments (d is of course divorce and she turns her back to the audience), and she ties it all up with a threat at the end, how would we not want to come back for more.

  5. BTW, thanks for this, I had to share it with everyone I know. I even played it at work so my coworkers could figure out why I kept laughing to myself. By the end of the shift they were reciting it too.

  6. This changed my life in an unforgettable way. I have watched it 2 times already and shared it with 3 friends. I hope this is just the beginning of this magical film's influence. Thank you Hawken for struggling through your morning rage to find this gem.

  7. I've watched this 3 times and I'm still SO confused. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??

  8. pretty sure I just wet myself. Im going to use what I learned out of this video in my everyday life! FOREVER

  9. I can't stop watching this. I'm scared that it is like shooting heroin for the first just can't stop after that. I am replaying 1:33, on, over. and over. and over. and I am laughing OUT the point where I couldn't stand it and I had to get up and try it out for myself. Let's just say, I know why she does what she does. How much better could something feel? and the words scare me too much so I just fast forward to the instrumentals. I feel like that's fair.


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