3 minutes pass...
If you put an envelope between a starved bear on meth and fresh salmon, I think that is a fairly accurate depiction of what the envelope and letter looked like when I was finished with it.
Jenn: What are you doing?!
Me: Do yo know how to use this letter opener? I can't figure it out.
Jenn: [ look of disbelief ]
Hawk, that's a staple remover.
... painful, painful silence
Last time I checked, staple removers looked like giant snapping cobra teeth not letter openers.
Dear staple remover manufacturers,
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter; so that when you make such a radical (and unnecessary) change I wont feel like such an idiot when I'm apparently the only one unaware of the new design; and you can stop embarrassing me in front of my friends.
Morals of Post:
- Kids, stick with things you are good at. If you try new things you will most likely fail, be humiliated, and get laughed at. Simultaneously.
- "
Laziness is a secret ingredient that goes into failure. But it’s only kept a secret from the person who fails.”
–Robert Half
Shut up, Rob.
- "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work."
- Thomas Edison
I knew I liked him for a reason...
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Seemingly mundane office humor is so much funnier to me now that I've worked in one for a couple of years.
ReplyDeleteAH JAHST WAHNT TA TAHL YA WHAHT A GRAHT FRAHND YA AHR!!! EVAHN AHF YA SQUAHSH MA WATH AHLL THASE RAGHT TAHRNS!!!
ReplyDeleteUmm... HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteI have to say though, the new staple removers are a dream come true. Give it time, I'm sure once the humiliation wears off you'll be a fan.
--Anna
oh. my. gosh. NO. NO! This is in my top 3 posts right now. Such underrated humor that it's criminal. I am literally crying. Also, I TOTALLY know what office tool/supply they are talking about and I feel like in the newsletter that you want to subscribe to, you should tell them that that kind of staple remove should be attached to a stapler...to make things clear. Your humor is my anti-drug....or drug. Take your pick. *i just typed "pick" as "pic" and thought it was fine until I realized that I now use a non-existent word for "picture" more than I do a real word. oh instagram and Fbook...you have ruined me.
ReplyDelete