Sunday, August 8, 2010

Road Rage and Uber Sized

I may be a pretty chipper person but I have found that there is one thing that is guaranteed to bring out the Mr. Hyde in me faster than anything else... driving with other people on the road.

No really... I could be having the best day of my life but the second that I get in the car and have to share the road with a bunch of people that maneuver their car like they learned to drive via Mario Kart or Rad Racer; it's game over.

When people drive like idiots on the freeway it's like I turn into an enraged/threatened savage she-bear trying to protect her young minus the fact that I, in fact, am not she-bear nor do I have any young.

Also, I have found that it is not only bad drivers that drive me insane but getting stuck behind slow drivers apparently has the same effect.

Here is a typical scenario...

I am driving while it is a 95 degrees outside and I think to myself... You know what, I'll take the freeway a little early today, which is typically under construction and usually down to one or two lanes all the time. This way I won't get stuck in traffic for hours on my way home...

Then I am gently reminded of the universe's poorly hidden vendetta towards me.

So as the lane goes down to one lane this is usually what I get stuck behind...

Turns out you can never be early enough on a freeway because the next thing you know, instead of traffic, you are stuck behind a slow car and trapped next to a house...

or the giant wing of a plane...

and then about five minutes later, the plane's other giant wing...

But this has to be the icing on the cake...

While on a road trip, after driving for hours and hours, we came up behind this guy and I thought, "Wow, I must either be really exhausted or absolutely starving... because - call me crazy - that kinda looks like a giant cheeseburger on the freeway that we are coming up on?!"

Oh wait, my bad; that IS a giant cheeseburger on the freeway.

Yes, that's right... a giant cheeseburger that takes up the whole bed of a semi truck.

And we wonder why there is obesity in America.

Morals of Post:
  •  Things that I was unable to photograph fast enough while following them on the freeway: 
    - Mom duck and about six baby ducks waddling across the freeway in traffic.

    - Some giant mushroom-ish float for a 4th of July parade.
    - The pick up truck that had about 3x its height in stacked furniture and 'safely' secured with loose twine going 80 mph.
  • For your information, I am still a better driver operating a camera whilst driving than about 93% of the jokers on the road with me. So don't even get me started!
  • Update: Eric sent this to me today... I thought it was great, so I'm adding it.
"So in regards to your most recent blog post. I passed this guy on the freeway the other day. I wish I had a better shot, but what is in the back of this guy's truck are loaves of bread. Front and back, top to bottom; loaves of bread. Certainly not a giant hamburger but still weird."


    1. This post strongly reminded me of one of your earliest- when you described how you feel when waking up each morning. Interesting connections, hmmm- maybe these feelings have deep, almost primeval origins. Also, the chuckles and belly laugh busted out for me when I realzed that the photos were your originals and not Google image searches.

    2. Hey Christine,

      Yes, there are four things that pretty much always bring out the she-bear in me:

      1.Anytime I'm tired or have just woken up
      2.Driving when other people are on the road
      3.Whenever it gets really cold or snows
      4.When I'm starving or moderately starving

    3. I can't tell if you'd hate India driving, or thrive in it. It's insane. People don't stay in lanes (2-lane highway, you say? I say 3 or 4, at least!), don't stop at stop signs (I've only seen like 3 stop signs anyway), and it's a weird combo of small cars, smaller rickshaws, bikes, mopeds, motorcycles, decorated trucks, cows, water buffalo, dogs, and buses that are too big for even America. The good thing is, you can pass people that are going to slow. The bad thing is, you might get hit by an oncoming bus while you're passing the slow car. Playing Dodge-Cow is probably my favorite.

    4. I've just spent the last hour reading the last 3 months of your blog. I don't know why I ever let it get to that point. If nothing else, the giant cheeseburger has insured that I will never let it happen again. Say hello to your newest faithful reader!

    5. Those are wind turbine blades.

    6. @Anonymous - good eye. thanks!


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