Friday, April 16, 2010

Monkey See, Monkey Do

So there I am, walking down the sidewalk minding my business when I look up and see a giant gorilla running towards me.


Most people are familiar with the fight or flight adrenaline rush; where, when a gorilla is running at you - you either are all pumped up to run away from the gorilla at high speeds or your brain sends you a surge of power to beat the gorilla down in a sudden-death showdown. I however fall under a slightly less recognized category which includes 'Fight, Flight, or Fade Out' where my adrenaline shot has more of a tense up and pass out effect.

I'll illustrate this for you - lets say I am walking in the woods alone and a ravenous pack of wolves appear out of nowhere... my brain assesses the situation:

a.) I could employ the flight mode and have this kid start running away, but who are we kidding - he has practically no legs and would probably make it to the next tree before the wolves eat him alive. Flight - Abort.

b.) I could employ the fight mode and give him super-strength, but there are like 48 wolves and really, what is he going to do? Bite back harder for every time he gets bitten? You can only bite so many wolves before the ultimate scenario is that of the previous point. Fight - Abort.

c.) Lets get real, this kid is going to be eaten alive no matter how we play this, so I might as well make him freeze up, pass out, and send him to a happy place while we get this over quick. He wont even know what hit him. Fade Out....

Thanks brain.

It is something that I've dealt with my whole life. Although its not the most conventional leap in evolution, I find some comfort in the fact that I am not the only who's emergency go-to strategy is 'fade out'.

There you have it. My closest link in evolution is a group of nervous stiff-legged fainting goats. How reassuring.

Anyways, back to the gorilla. There I am, walking all innocent-like down the sidewalk when the giant gorilla comes charging at me. True to form, I tense up and my feet and hands start to tingle and my brain is trying to decide if it should shut down now, or if it should wait til I can see the whites of its eyes before I pass out.

Meanwhile, the gorilla charged up to me, gave me a banana, and then ran right on past me.


Still in a little bit of shock, I look down to see the banana was attached to a brochure telling me how nice so and so apartments are. Wow. An apartment complex nearly got me to pass out in public via a giant gorilla. Yeah, don't worry - I'm still just as confused.

Here is a picture of said gorilla.

In my defense - this 'gorilla' looks more like something out of Predator than something you would find at San Diego Zoo... So I'm pretty sure you would've freaked out too.

Moral of the Post:
  • Guerrilla Marketing - Definition: 'Type of marketing performed on a low budget and a lot of creativity to generate buzz to leave the consumer with the brand in mind.'
  • Gorilla Marketing - LITERALLY having someone dress up as a gorilla and chase people down in an attempt to scare them into signing an apartment contract and causing an overwhelming sense of paranoia to follow them around for the rest of the day.


  1. Aw, my little peg-legged goat. : ) Although to be fair, that is THE most derranged gorilla I have ever seen. Unfortunately my frontline of defense is generally to freeze on the spot and drop to a crouched/fetal position. Playing chase as a kid was the sickest form of Chinese torture imaginable. The overwhelming stress of knowing somoene was right on my heels would overtake me and in a matter of seconds and I'd just assume the submissive position on the ground. : / None of which really inspires confidence should we ever face danger together does it??

  2. This video MADE MY DAY. So well placed in the post.

  3. Addison told me to check out your blog! I knew you were clever from the moment I heard the world "hawkward".

    Provo is a strange place. (I'm assuming this took place in Provo)

    And what is it about gorilla suits? I'm thinking I might need to invest in one... I'd get a good 20 years use out of it, at least.

  4. Oh my word. Those goats. That gorilla. It seems like this was a very stressful day for the faint of heart. However, now I want one of these goats. How delightful, Hawken!


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