Cobra Upgrade

At work I had a ton of letters to open and I couldn't find the letter opener that I always use (correction: the letter opener was just out of reach and I was too lazy to get up and walk clear over to the other side of the counter to get it...) So, I looked around and found a new letter opener and thought I would just use that instead - thank you universe.

3 minutes pass...

If you put an envelope between a starved bear on meth and fresh salmon, I think that is a fairly accurate depiction of what the envelope and letter looked like when I was finished with it.

Jenn:   What are you doing?!
Me:      Do yo know how to use this letter opener? I can't figure it out.
Jenn:   [ look of disbelief ]
            Hawk, that's a staple remover.
       
... painful, painful silence


Last time I checked, staple removers looked like giant snapping cobra teeth not letter openers.

Dear staple remover manufacturers,
          I would like to subscribe to your newsletter; so that when you make such a radical (and unnecessary) change I wont feel like such an idiot when I'm apparently the only one unaware of the new design; and you can stop embarrassing me in front of my friends.

Morals of Post:

• Kids, stick with things you are good at. If you try new things you will most likely fail, be humiliated, and get laughed at. Simultaneously.
  
  
• "Laziness is a secret ingredient that goes into failure. But it’s only kept a secret from the person who fails.”
  –Robert Half
  Shut up, Rob.
  
  
• "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work."
  - Thomas Edison
  I knew I liked him for a reason...